Being away from the usual abode on Saturday night, I was forced to watch the X Factor. Actually thats wrong - I was forced to endure the X Factor. What a big pile of poo.

As I never watch it I thought maybe I had judged too quickly, maybe they were great singers, maybe here was the new Tina Turner or Freddie Mercury....er no. Slightly above average pub singers. So here's what I thought of them.

The Jamelia-a-like - Probably the best one cos I can't remember anything about her. Bland.

The Spanish one - Her body was the different shade of orange to her face.

The Baby Headed one - Surely he's not a man but some giant mutant baby? If you see him run away lest the mother appears.

The Blond Flaky one - She appeared to be holding a seance, channeling Bjork and Bambi simultaneously.

DFS - A boyband in white suits? my calendar says 2008, it appears I'm 10 years ahead. Oh well on the plus side I'm 17 again.