Eurovision. Love it or hate it, you can't escape it.

Since I was child I have loved it, I even have a little tradition. I always go home and watch it with my Mum and we have been doing our own scoring for years - even before you could download a score sheet off the beeb website. Yes I am a certified geek.

I think its brilliant. The awful songs, the comedy performances and the excellent dry wit of good old Tel. "Its been a wonderful evening though not musically obviously" The man is a comedy genius.

Still 17 points eh? ouch. Have we always been rubbish? Lets put my research skills to use and review the last 10 years.

1997 - Love shine a light 1st place - Go Katrina and your cheesey balladic Anthem!
1998 - Where Are You? 2nd - I thought this song was poo but Eurovision isn't the place for taste. Think it was basking the glory of the previous years win.
1999 - Say It Again 12th - Good cheesy song. Could have had a chance, if the band hadn't have sounded so bloody awful on the night.
2000 - Don't Play That Song Again 17th - Do what it says on the tin. Crap.
2001 - No Dream Impossible 15th - Apart from this song winning.
2002 - Come Back 3rd - Very resepectable showing
2003 - Cry Back 26th - There's good, then bad, then so bad it's good, then so bad your eyes bleed and ears wither and fall off your head. This song fell into the last catergory. Also the rest of Europe now hated us.
2004 - Hold on to our love 16th - Quite a good song. Just as the 1998 entry basked in the glory of the 1997 win, the basked in the detritus of the 2003 nul points.
2005 - Touch my fire 22nd - yep everyone still hates us.
2006 - Teenage Life 19th - Oh the hate is really setting in now and this poor excuse for a song ain't helping.
2007 - Flying the Flag 23rd - Everyone still hates us, this cheese-a-rama song may have won 10 years ago.

So what have we learnt from that? We used to do ok and now we are lucky to leave with our shoes, let alone our dignity and the top prize.

So we invaded Iraq and now everyone hates us. Got to mention block voting at this point. All the countries of the former Yugoslavia vote for each other. Excuse me if memory doesn't serve but weren't all these conutries is a rather nasty war with each other at the end of the last century?

Taking our lead from these countries here's what we do. England, Ireland, Wales and Scotland all need to have a big war (maybe not a bloody one, hows about we fight it via a computer game competition?) the Union will split and we can all enter the Eurovision seperately and give each other douze point.

So it the name of Eurovision glory, Scotland, I challenged you to a duel!